Dad died, mom moved in. - AgingCare.com My dad just expects me to accept her and she might even be moving in to my house in the next few months which I rather live on the street than live with her. From her arrival on the scene we were told like you were, that no issues we had counted at all and it was non-negotiable. HEAD OVER HEELS in love, even now. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in your situation. I am a 41 yr old widower, father of three kids, daughter 8 and twin 6 yr. old boys, who lost his wife of 11 years, the last five she was sick and dying of colon cancer. Ellen never cooks and we are never invited over to eat. Then he gave me the rest and I locked them in a safe so he could not get to them. Dad was heartbroken lonely after 43 years together with Mom. Reconciliation,would never be accompanied by any apology. We both had spouses that die under the terrible cancer disease. We took a week to plan for the funeral, etc. When I did not return the favor to her, she stopped sending the cards. She is very social and loved the friendships I was so stunned, I didnt say much, just sat there and cried and told him I thought it was too soon. Im pretty sure she felt offended, but she was trying to smother me with affection that was not reciprocated and I felt might not be genuine but just something to make her look good in front of my Dad. he lied to me before when i asked him of his relationship and goes off to see her whenever he wants. What killed me was that THEY HELD HANDS AT THE FREAKING TABLE WHILE WE WERE EATING. When life changes through the loss of a loved one, it should be the responsibility of everyone to evolve slowly into a new life. I met this wonderful man who I could talk very easily about my feelings of loss of my late husband and he could do the same with me. Below are the six things I learned to do in life, which helped me to survive the past six years: This is very clichd, I agree, but that doesn't make it any less valid. My dad spent all of Christmas week with her in a hotel room and didnt even visit my mom. My father died unexpectedly the day after Christmas 2008. I told him it was hard to be around so me and my daughter are going to be out and gone all day. I told myself that I could never forgive myself if something happened to my father too.It worked somewhat in that I tried as hard as I could. She had dates lined up and then after the second, started regularly dating. She was very reluctant to do this at first, but finally caved after a year or so. My husband and I have two beautiful and healthy adult daughters. You get to decide who to reach for to meet your ever-changing needs. But she already did that with her parents, and HE was what she decided she wanted to be with in the long term, day to day, for as long as she could. We are in the same scenarios, so I wont get into it. he threw his arms up and said he prays things will heal themselves. explain to your friends you wont be going out as much because you want to be with your family but do not lose your friends because of this they worry for you as well! It sucks she has to work like a normal person but.. tough? Many hurtful things were said between my father and myself where we stopped talking and strained our relationship. Needless to say, hes been talking exclusively with one woman who is from the UK and is about six years older than I am. I feel that bringing her around a family function this soon is very unacceptable. Anyhow, my 73 year-old dad seemed to move on rather quickly after my moms death. mother Unfortunately I still care about my dad. Then he met the one we didnt, not because we didnt try because we did. Any advice? It is his house to do with as he pleases and financially, my small family cant pick up and go. After a year, my father broke up with the woman. Lately I have been trying to show my support but I feel like its all fake. You are behaving with more emotional maturity than he is showing. He absolutely is seeking your approval for his happiness he simply isnt going about it in the right way. They were going out a lot. I implore you do this one unselfish thing for your children as honouring your late spouse or partner. I have 4 kids (teens) who I am being very honest with but careful not to introduce anyone as a replacement for their mother no one will ever take that place. He told my sister not to even make eye contact or speak to her. He hopefully loves his parents awful fights and don't become too quickly changed. AGAIN. Its a relief to be able to explain myself to a group of people who might understand. Remember, your father has made a choice. When she called the house and I answered the phone, she asked whos this as if it were any of her business. I guess I just wanted to say the relationship has blighted our lives and especially mine. I will never get over the death of my mom and now I have to factor in that I will also never get over the insensitive nature of my dads behavior towards her memory and of my daughter and my feelings. After all, his needs werent being met. She is a horrible stupid butt who my dad even called psycho the other day yet continues to torment me with putting her shit all around my mothers moms house who of course both are dead. Does she pay rent? It wouldnt put it past them. With my dad was informed that her mother passed away last may remain loyal to die someday. the ex son in law immediately brought a new woman on the scene, he had asked my daughter for a divorce after 28 years of marriage. So that is the short version of my story. Now, try the right place. He has obviously made a choice to side with his new wife and you have to let it go and let him go. My father started seeing a woman shortly after Thanksgiving. So I thought I would reach out to this community. Our widow and her melatonin at times both my heart issues. my parents were married for 42 years. I am afraid he is going to make a mistake that will cause a rift in our already hurting family. Mom put to death at her own request after murdering her 5 kids This story has been shared 97,343 times. The only person responsible for your happiness is you. When you meet alone, you should tell him how you feel excluded from his life & how hurt and sad you are. Like he didnt really want to be here. 2. I dont want him to separate from them. Otherwise, my father spent the entire weekend with them, and my brother and I were stranded at home all alone. I feel the sadness of never having met my husbands father and that there is a grandfather my children never knew. Free moment they are on mom's. That would not be my idea of telling those who are angry, devastated, confused and yes feeling it is wrong, disrespectful and hurting the very person you say you want to make happy in the end, DOES CLASS AND DECENCY RIGHT A BELL IN YOUR INCONSIDERATE AND SELFISH MIND? It really helps me try and understand my situation. I lost my husband last year. Hes always been eccentric. My mom passed a few months ago on March 23, 2016. After all this time he is good and angry about the way I am treated in order for my father to maintain good relations with this unworthy woman. It was exactly how I feel and sadly where I am at. If you can, get her active in life. Im surprised she even waited 18 months before she joined the dating agency. I AM NOT nor will I ever be a daughter to Ellen. It makes sense that My stomach was sick the whole hour I was there and when I left I cried for a long time. It will be 6 months on April 24 since my dear mom left us. I decided to move out July of that year to live with my boyfriend. My husband and I were so shocked that we got sick. Holding hands, sitting close together and kissing. Ahh, this hurts It feels moms memory is being tarnished and I want to make things right. I dont really have any answers, just some things that I have pondered along the way the past few months. Your husband sounds lovely and supportive and it will be hard for him to witness your pain and to know he cannot prevent it. I put in over a thousand miles this year preparing for a 500 mile bike ride across our state. She used to visit her sister, and when my dad was out, they would talk. Some of you are just beginning the grieving process with very painful sentiments of loss and you need time to heal. I nearly lost my breath! Bravo! He & Moms best friend were married 6 months after Mom died. Im lost!!!! John Pete is online at https://facebook.com/dailygriefquotes. I felt completely violated. Ive told him everything Ive included i this post and more, and none of it has ever gotten through to him. Knowing this, I sought out my dad, and I developed a great relationship with him. Where is her income? Alex Murdaugh, the victims'husband and father, was just found guilty of their And.. i lost a lot of friends because I didn't want to be a mess around them but I learned later they didn't mind if i broke down in front of them they still enjoyed the times when I wasn't sad and understood why i was sad. I called my dad to check up on him. But for right now I am ok with at least being able to see my father periodically and trying. Live ends and the rest of people around the one who died have to keep on living. #fyp #viral #chiaraactress I was sitting with her overnight when she passed away, and cannot get the events out of my head from what happened (no matter that the grief counselor I have seen says I should be happy because from what Ive told her, she didnt suffer like others I have heard of). The fall out from J taking this woman as his partner were more disastrous than I ever could have imagined. I can see why I never ran into this 1st cousin. Dont get me wrong. WebA legal document directed the family home gets sold after the father died. Now, try the right place. Recently, she took out a stack of cards she had received over the course of the pandemic and told me how she looks at them and rereads them all the time. The day she got rushed to the hospital was the first time I had ever seen my dad cry. She will not go to hospitals with him as she doesnt like waiting around.My father says he is grateful to us but cannot comprehend the irritation and annoyance his behaviour causes. He lives alone and works in a very good job. I will continue to search for answers and hope that I find a way to help my family heal from this tragedy. She claims there is nothing wrong. My future step daughters (in their late 20s) do not accept that my fianc have a new person in his life. I tried to talk to Dad about how upsetting it was and he accused me of wanting him to be alone forever. What are our responsibilities towards the funeral? Then I found out that meant his girlfriend took over his bills and other household tasks as well. I remind myself daily that he doesnt want to be alone and that he is insecure. I lost my Mom in July of 2003 to a form of lymphoma cancer. I wasnt thrilled but she came and we had fun. Yes, if your parent is making irrational decisions out of grief, senility, age, etc., you need to step in. The joke Be nice to your kids they get to pick your care home sounds a little sick. I hate the fact that someone like her came into our lives only to get what she was after for many years. My life hasnt been the same since my mom died but its also changed even more since my dad left. Well, he gets back from the phillipines and just a few months later he lets me know that he is starting the process which takes 4-8 months for her and her two year old son to come here, and that they are going to get married. Anyhow, they are still up and they are still awkward. My mother seemed to have a feeling that my dad would move on quickly. So I would be at the hospital Day and night, until my Dad and I took shifts. Offer an invitation of friendship but if shes not interested and doesnt want it, then thats her decision. My mother died suddenly in November 2014. There are three of us kids and this was hard to deal with. So I let go of needing care to look a certain way in our relationship. Seeing comments like I will never accept this just makes me laugh. My Mom died December 5th, 2012. I think he is lost and being stupid. We both knew it was her fault-she was just so stoned when we met her. I felt like this was manipulative, she refused to get a job & had always lived as a stay at home mom & then got into alcohol instead of eventually going to work when we all were in school. After she passed I found myself feeling very responsible for his well-being. I believe that women look to the male figures in their lives as being strong and courageous. He so does not need this drama, but I dont know what to do at this point. Not 6 months later, my father introduced my brother and me to his 28-year old girlfriend and her two children. I understand that everyone needs someone, But i dont think it should be forced on the surviving kids/ relatives, at least not till their ready. Im 23 years old and an only child. Watching her stop breathing for 10 seconds and all of us thinking she was gone and all of a tsudden take a breath. I want to meet his daughters, I dont want to replace his late wife. I was born on Fathers Day, how can you forget completely. What my husband and I did years ago is none of her business anyway. give them time and space. Without warning years later she sneakily bought her own house. Wait. However, as big events come up in our lives, issues come up. WebBy sharing your grief bursts with your parent, it can help him or her not feel so alone. The picture he showed me showed a beautiful girl that looks about 19. His wife and you each have a different relationship with your father. WebUnfortunately my dad (47M) died in result of the pandemic in the end of 2020. I never got to really have my father to myself growing up and even more now. Its a lot to handle. The person who talked about teenage behavior is right. I felt willing it to her was a stupid decision on his part but there is nothing I can do about it. As far as your mother is concerned, I'll just tell you some of the things I told my step-father. If you have any care inquiries, please contact us anytime by completing the form below. Your thing to do here is just be there for her. What is wrong with you. But Im really confused about how to take it all! If he is not in a healthy relationship with you, how can he be in a healthy relationship with the girls? Try to help her understand that it will take awhile to readjust. e treats us is certainly not making me happy. Your children are there but they are not there. When my mother died my sister moved in to her house and is living there and wants to buy the rest of the siblings their share of the house. Mom put to death at her own request after murdering her 5 kids This story has been shared 97,343 times. I do hope you have found some peace ? This hurt because I have just lost my mom and now Im losing my dad. Just over 2 years ago my father had a stroke affecting mobility but not speech. It is so very hurtful. I am copying it here because I wanted to share my story and also share the response that I thought was really helpful to me. I just read the most recents posts.If you read this and think you can give me advice, please do. I dont blame him. Just a couple weeks after her death I found out that my dad received pictures of Young Filipino women, 3 different women, and on top of that it was from a distant family member whom divorced my aunt and remarried an American Filipino women. Dad has us get rid of Moms clothes the very weekend of her funeral. Did it make me angry at her? Generations will suffer. I had a physical reaction, my pulse quickened, I was sweating, my heart broken it was intense. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were minors, fast forward to mid 2022, I had a baby, & my husband & I were looking into moving out. Fathers should be there for their daughters and their grandchildren versus pouring your energy into a complete stranger. I dont think his girlfriend should be living there after dating 3 months and then remove my mothers things so she feels more comfortable there. I lived there from 2005 to around 2011. time. Wasnt she due a little more respect than this? I miss my husband with all of my heart and would do anything to have our life back and the way it used to be. Your counsellors attitude is beyond comprehension! I am so sorry for your losses and the situation you have came upon. I am also dealing with the situation of my father being remarried after my Mom passed away. The D in particular had a very difficult time handling it. I was so furious and from the moment Ive met her I have completely resented her and my dad. My mom has lived on her own since my dad died in 2017, first in a seniors retirement community, now in her own condo. My take on it is this: Get on with it if it will make you happy. I told Ellen that since my brother has never married and has no kids that he has no where to go on Thanksgiving. I have watched her manipulate my fathers time, and talk him into marriage with only 3 months of dating. Fabulous job. Maybe I am looking too much into this. She started her career at the Creative Artists Agency in New York City in the celebrity commercial endorsement group. The woman he was dating is a wonderful, genuine respectful woman. Id take him out to sporting events of our favorite teams. I never met the woman my dad is involved with. I suppose if you married an orphan and there is no family to consider that may seem just fine. It took a long time for me to be able to do this, and I am not perfect at this. I said it would probably be me unless his girlfriend would like to do it. I just dont know what to do because every since this women starting calling my father has been drinking, and then I have to deal with him being drunk on top of everything else. When I first heard this from my father I thought there is no way you love her or even did if you are replacing her. SO anyway I dont know how to get over this feeling but am very thankful I am not the only one out there feeling that way. From reading the other posts, it appears the only answer it to wait for an unspecified length of time or wait and hope that the children will approve. I ended up moving it from our house to my brothers because I just could not imagine her here. 1) mom was gone It was a shock!! It just takes work; maybe lots of work, but you can do it! When I was about 16 my friends Mum was dropping me off a short distance from my home when her car would not start late on a Sunday. Its not a case of not liking dads new partner,its the fact that hes totally different with her than he was when mam was alive. Its like its no longer convient for him to do that. Going to the point. I am in the same ship as most of you. Blessings. my hurt is more that my own daughter accused me trying to do that, my wife is not garbage, she has to realize she lived with her Mom about 19 years, I lived with her 33 years, so my bond is closer and I gave my daughter almost EVERYTHING she asked for even the diamonds I bought my wife, that was a big mistake, now her other sisters are probably not happy with that, all my daughters except the oldest are going to celebrate their mothers birthday, Her mother would not want that to happen but I did not ask for it to happen, Im alone, hurt, suicidal, I cant even leave the house because my wife is still there, I dont want to leave her, there has not been a day I dont cry my eyes out. It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good woman. With all due respect i have lost both my mama and daddy and i do understand where most yall are coming from, but hear some very selfish comments. As much as I understand all this, I still find it so incredibly difficult to accept him dating. Thanks again for sharing it is nice to know I am not alone. And i was 12 years. His wife's. If your dating this man is just that going to dinner, catching a movie, and someone to confide in. For me I didnt like the idea of this woman but was prepared to accept her into my life. After my father passed away, I promised myself I wouldn't continue to live my life in the background; I would do substantial things with my life and make every moment count. So as if all of this is not bad enough now he tells me that she is gunna move into his house. I dont agree with certain behavior of some of the parents: comments about physical description, lovey dovey demonstration in front of your family, this thing has to be deal with at the moment that they occur or soon after. Hes now decided to let his girlfriend move into our family mountain house. That is why I really cant feel bad towards this womanif it wasnt her, it would be someone else. I even told my mom not to give me anything, because I knew my dad would be awful. moving in with mom My dad was already planning the future while my mom was living. Sharing time together helps us during our grieving period. . It has been 3 months since my mother passed away in a car accident. I am loving. The day that I had to meet my fathers new girlfriend. He and his lady friend caught me completely off guard within weeks of my mothers death when they attempted to solicit my blessings on an intimate relationship they stated they wanted to pursue. I gulped down fear, as I rushed to find out what was happening. At the time my Dad was vulnerable, miserable and lonely. I wish I could know what my mom would want for me to do because as of now, I really dont know what to do and how to handle this. I have a right to my opinion. Until I realized that I still had my dad and I dont want to lose my dad if I still have a chance to have my father in my life. Ellen started telling me she loved me. At the time she barely knew me as I had just been an acquaintance in the past! Dad lost his car in an accident just a few weeks before the stoke. Yet when i met a half ago in the death of something she died in the death of a. Duane 'dog' chapman says he's dating again after your. Only someone that is shallow and selfish would do this. Anyway, I am furious about this entire situation. Your children are there, but they are not there. He was pushing us to meet her and was relentless. I could really use some good advice on how to deal with all this. A big thanks for all who have shared their situations. Thank you to everyone for sharing their stories and opinions. I moved out at 16 to attend school near my sisters who married at 23 and had a family. Because she is human. I also sent her thinking of you cards in the mail, knowing how she loves to send them to others herself. If she cannot accept the girlfriendjust as I cant accept my dads girlfriendsometimes we must make choices others dont agree with. I have told my dad that I felt she disrespected my mother with what she was doing and his reply was well if thats how you feel. It is important to not let these times destroy you or define you, but rather, to help you to grow. I miss my husband everyday and would love for my son to be able to grow up with his father, but I know my husband would want for my son to grow up with a happy mother. My Mom always hated clutter and Ellen junked up the house. The day she passed, my dad, my uncle, my husband (then boyfriend), and I were there next to her as she took her last breaths. So, I dont know why I cant feel the same way about my father. Furthermore, she is talking about how she's going to be alone forever, and none of her friends are widowed, and she isn't sure how she is going to make it without my dad. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I might be the asshole because I left and didnt want to pay what she was losing in state support, and now theyre struggling. He was trying to tell me he needs the things my mom was leaving to me. It isn't your job to take care of her. Loss of a loved one is also known as bereavement. I will need to go in July to help my sisters clear out my moms thingsIm expected to do this. You do not exist to subsidize your mother's life. I want him to be happyI really dobut concerned and feeling robbed of my dad. Well. I told him there is no solution and its something we are going to have to deal with as issues arise. I only visit their home when the AC is not home, but I hope to be able to build a relationship with the AC over the next few to several months. Without going into to much detail, I explained to my children that I will always love Daddy and that he will always have a special place in my heart but Im still here and I want to live life. But, as a 13-year-old who had only ever lost a goldfish, I wasn't well-equipped to help her talk through her trauma. My parents were married for 29 years, and I am the oldest in the family (28) of three children. The only thing that has gotten me through these years have been that I feel her presence still with me and her telling me that I should focus on my family and not let things get me down. When Ellen and my Dad got married I will never forget one of her friends being at the house at the wedding reception and walking up to me and saying So you are Ellens new daughter? I thought I would nearly fall over! During the COVID lockdowns, my sister and I did our best to care for her in ways that she would allow. accepted her just so long as we acted as if we did. click to read more On him. There is nothing as strong and pure as a mothers love for her children so take that thought and live the kind of life in your moms name that would reflect that truth. WHEN my father died just over three years ago both my mother and I went through a rough time, as we missed him badly. You were saying: Maybe there is a positive side that we havent encountered yet Im still waiting. I never in my life expected my father to choose a stranger over his own daughter because I wont have anything to do with her. 5 Jun. She is perfectly capable of getting a job and providing for her own children. support my mother after my father passed away After attacking my sister we could not visit at her home. When my best friend Sallys father passed away in 7th grade, I attended the funeral, and held her hand. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Or is too much? We spend a lot of time talking about mom, as well. I cant have him without his girlfriend, but it hurts to be around her.