I understand that there are many times when adoption is the best choice. Not exactly. And WHY did he not practice safe sex since he only knew her 2 minutes? Just sayin. Itll be hard work, but I genuinely think it can be done. Sleeping without protection with someone who you knew for two minutes ? Where exactly do you live? And you wonder why people accuse the threads of being hostile toward males? Again, this implies that a pregnancy must lead irrevocably to a child. Coke bottle explodes taking off your arm = coke pays. They are babies. You sound like one of those pro-lifers who are always compelling women to do things against their will. April 9, 2012, 4:39 pm. Considering the fact that I know far more gay guys having sex (and lots more of it, with more partners, too) than I do straight people and I can honestly say none of my good gay friends have ever magically come down with HIV, yet I can name 8 people who against all odd just happened get themselves or their lovers knocked up Seriously. April 9, 2012, 3:33 pm, bittergaymark And you want to marry this guy because.why? Guess what LW? Of all the methods, IV drug use is the most effective. And I would believe him that he has no interest in her other than convenience. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. The man should have no say on whether or not she keeps the baby but she should have a LOT of say over his finances for the next 18 years. Why is he such a scummy, awful human being because hes angry with the way this has worked out that hell be on the hook for another human being until who knows when? Hes decided on what hes going to do, and it does not involve you. Of course life is unfair. OH MY GOD!! I don't know my place anymore because he doesn't want to tell her we're back together. And, again, this is common except with those inflicted with social disorders who cant seem to not say exactly what theyre thinking. Doesnt matter if it has a sign on it that says dont shake takes arms off if explodes!. They had just gotten back together after finding out she was pregnant. But dont be surprised if he gets slapped with child support responsibilities b/c he couldnt be responsible enough to prevent pregnancy it takes two. You, Chuck, seem to think that this means that all women do that. Only it is the LW who seems intent on absolving the boyfriend from all responsibility saying furious. Is it Dear Wendy gender wars with the emotional females leaping to conclusions and bullying the open minded fair males who dare to object to name-calling and double standards? This is not true, and I say this because a (male) friend of mine went through this a few years ago. Hey, say what you want about the letter but dont diss my Twilight!!! having sex with someone you dont know that well. I think the whole situation is a mess though, & youre 2nd paragraph (She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage) is spot-on. And those young boys and those young boys parents have wages garnished for the next 18 years to pay for the rapists child. Which is not true. She cant afford a child on her own. The plain truth is your boyfriend did not think about the consequences of unprotected sex (STDs anyone?) In a perfect, totally fair world, both men and women would get stuck with pregnancy and rearing of children because they both equally engage in the sex that results in the pregnancy. Like getting child support is easy. He CHOSE to do that he took that risk because it feels better on his penis without a condom. He has a responsibility to the baby, but thats as far as it goes. He ought to get a vesectomy since this guy is obviously carrying the manchild gene.
bittergaymark Im not saying I think he should get any sort of say in it, but why are we so quick to deride his emotional response to an accidental life-altering event that, in his mind, could have been corrected, but isnt going to be due to someone elses decision? hi there! Im arguing that he should be able to get out of the responsibility in the same way that a woman can get out of that responsibility. Rarely, does a woman bring a man on the show to announce that hes pregnant and the responds with Id prefer you have an abortion.. . You seem upset at biology that women are the ones that carry the children and and therefore has the ability to decide or not to continue on with a pregnancy whereas a guy doesnt have that same right. John Rohan She looked enough to bang, though, huh? The letter writers bf is furious at the woman having his child. Francine Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. I just disagree that sexual preference has anything to do with how likely one is to use a condom all the time. April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. You seem too whiny for most womens taste. Thanks for proving you and your ilk are out to entrap men to sustain your lifestyle by dropping as many babies as you can..and living on welfare checks honest people pay for..SLUT! she didn't know that she's pregnant after in 4 month later. Does that change your opinion? No, thats the kids money. I cried and felt so depressed. Everyone is in charge of their own decisions. April 9, 2012, 4:59 pm, FancyPants April 9, 2012, 10:03 pm, God, are you REALLY this dense? Everything else aside, most of the guys in this thread are more upset about the sex part than they are about the child out of wedlock part. ha, Ive done too many drugs too. Given the particularities and context of any particular situation, there is a lot of unfairness to go around. That line of reasoning is fine but condescending only for those who never in their entire lives have ever done anything that might have resulted in something unexpected (and unwanted) happening. Francine She got pregnant. You can have a spirited and logical debate, and still keep it interesting and above board. Men AND women both have decided, well after-the-fact, that no babies is better than having babies. We remained friends with Benefits for months because I wanted too and he said with or without sex, he doesn't want to lose this friendship but I wanted the sex lol I . Is this a valid summary? April 9, 2012, 1:15 pm. It actually makes me very sad. As well, the LW has no right to call this other woman names, purely because it was the LWs (ex? Answer (1 of 11): I am an older lady. Move forward with your life. guys..youre not gonna get anywhere with this one. And thats why I wouldnt want anything to do with him in the first place. Turns out that the bout of food poisoning she got after their anniversary dinner and the diarrhea that came with it messed with the effectiveness of her birth control pills. Ever. He made his feelings clear to her when she was only two weeks pregnant, telling her they havent been together two minutes! He didn't marry you. He is going to focus his energy and time with his baby momma, his relationship with her, and making sure his child is born. This is why homosexual couples have to adopt. You know, if he was tricked its not surprising that he would say these things. Made my day! I make no exception for men or women. Run. And as so many others have said dontt want a kid? And finally , yes, I do think he should have some right to what happens to that pregnancy, and yes I do think that trapping someone by getting pregnant is repulsive, and so yes, I can understand his anger at the woman if that is what is happening. If there is no child at conception But still. Okay so what if the LW is not pro choice. His character and judgment are awful. I think it is fair for him to be disappointed, angry and frustrated. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! Is anyone else eagerly anticipating the update to this one? In the long run, US ends up with what I like to refer to as the Feminist Mystake. If you want something different, you must do something different. Whatever happened to you to make you hate women doesnt have to mean a lifetime of whiny bitterness. Sorry to be so long-winded but it happens sometimes. Commenters on most websites just depress me I dont bother reading them anymore. You don't say how long you have been together, but there's a reason that you broke up with him then. Hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood, and it is an egregious breach of the implied sexual contract for the woman to turn around and say, Whups, knocked up! I think its the first time I am hearing someone smear another person for NOT having an abortion. If a pregnancy results after you do the very thing you know can cause pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself and whining about your lack of choices or the burden of what you must now do is unproductive and frankly, a little too late. For all the reasons stated in the comments, women just cannot be forced into motherhood quite like a man can be forced into fatherhood. Anthony Leonson And realize that when you have sex, you could very well get someone pregnant. I dont think she should have any sort of legal say about the decision to keep the baby, but I dont think shes committing some horrendous crime for judging it. Thats a dudes view. John Rohan I have a really hard time believing that this guy who hates this woman and wants nothing to do with this child had a civil conversation with the baby mom discussing their options, while stating his preference for an abortion. Your 40-year-old ex-boyfriend sounds like an immature, irresponsible, whiney person. She came first. Its been done and will continue to be done, as long as accidents, divorce, and death happen. Men get to abandon freely and pay no child support if they dont want anything to do with the kid? But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be.. Ive seen malarky thrown around quite a bit in this thread. Hes scum, no one in their right mind is going to want to stay with him. Even if shes a lunatic psycho who got pregs on purpose, you have no one to blame but your boyfriend. But, now hes faced with the unwanted consequences of that choice, and while its unfortunate, its how life works. If he suddenly decided to emotionally ditch this woman when she was five months pregnant or after the baby was born, Id been singing another tune. So, let it be over. The adoption process has a pretty involved vetting procedure- meaning that birth parents can reasonably assume the child will be cared for by the adoptive parent or parents. Steve Kellmeyer My man (were not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. -Is furious with her for keeping her baby Does that change the situation as all? You deserve each other! Do you know how much day care alone is a month? bittergaymark Nor is there any guarantee that the woman who tells you that she doesnt want to have a baby wont change her mind when faced with that decision. How very astute of you to notice the fundamental difference between the genders. April 10, 2012, 5:55 pm, Heterophobe, hmmm, thats new one. Choose. Theres a fun scenario. It takes two people to make a baby and two people to decide what to do after one of them gets pregnant. And not because he deserved it for having possibly unprotected sex. And hopefully this childs mother will, too. That makes her a scumbag, but it really doesnt absolve you of being the parent for that child. Which includes emotional support, not just financial. but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. Not with hormonal BC, not with 2 methods of BC, not when one of the individuals has been sterilized. You bolster my case by agreeing that he can share responsibility with the mother or simply provide support but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. It could fail.
You know, I dont have much patience this morning,. Your boyfriend is a scumbag and you should probably not have anything to do with him. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning.. By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. Contrary to what might be implied buy my other comments in this thread, Im not typically a proponent of abortions. But women and children, in the context of child custody and support systems, end up in extremely unfortunate and unfair situations far more often. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy.. Even if this baby malarky goes away, even if this woman only demands financial support and nothing else from your boyfriend, this sort of drama will be your life if you stay with him. If you cant live with those outcomes, dont have sex with her. Theyre the exact same situation, but for some reason, hes scum. I disagreed with a lot of your comments but I still enjoyed them. The guy had sex (presumably) without a condom with a woman that (he at least believed) was on the pill. Women can decide to abort the pregnancy or to give the child up for adoption, both of which are choices that remove any future obligation. So your boyfriend said he wants nothing to do with his own child (except the required child support) and that didnt make you run screaming the other way? And as a grown adult; as a person whos lived 40 years and should have acquired a sense of decency and maturity; you should own up to the consequences of your actions. And because a mans physical committment to the pregnancy ends after coming, the woman gets to make the call. Because the bf in question was part of the creation of the child. April 10, 2012, 6:08 pm. lets_be_honest And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Yes everyone went bonkers. We do know that the guy in question didnt use a condom (as you yourself pinted out elsewhere, LW would have def. He sounds like bad news. I just dont see any part of the circumstance that allows a 40 year old man who was having consensual sex to take the other issues out on his own child by refusing to have anything to do with it. You mean, he should be able to decide whether or not hes emotionally distant and vacant from the life he had equal part in creating? she's a real bitch. Im currently going through a rough breakup with my partner of nearly 9 years, and if this happened to me two months from now I would be having angry, irrational emotions too. Having the foresight to step out early doesnt make him an asshole. April 10, 2012, 6:23 pm, P.S. . Weird question. Whats the matter? troll label aside, we do get together monthly and burn ex-boyfriends in effigy so hes got us there. If you support legal abortion, then you emphatically deny that men create children. We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. Oh wow, that was longer than I expected. It's like she's a completely different person. And that isnt fair either. "The best way to move through a breakup while pregnant is to let the feelings flow," says McDermott. Child support is, indeed, a lottery win for women, by which they compel men who had nothing to do with their lifestyle choices to support their lifestyle choices in the manner to which they have become accustomed. But, of course, this makes him an asshole. April 9, 2012, 9:37 am. And she was all, Um, yeah, those arent always 100 percent effective. And he was like, THEY SHOULD PUT THAT ON THE BOX!!!! so many unwanted and unplanned pregnancies could be prevented if people just showed more interested and care in using birth control. Its not a gender-based law. Make Ford. and if you arent mature enough to deal with those things (as well as the potential for an unplanned pregnancy) dont have sex. Heres a thought experiment for you: He can change his mind at any time and will likely get visitation at minimum. Since most of the people here seem to be pretty strong advocates of womens right to choose, to be treated equally, and so on and I agree with those stances it seems backwards, odd, and a double standard to say that men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be and that they should have no say whatsoever in that. I am curious what RR will have to say after some interesting points being made after her comments. To be fair, (and Im not at all discrediting what youre saying, because it very well could be true), but no where in the letter does she mention that he did or did not use a condom. If he doesnt want to have children that much, yes, he should be the one to do everything to prevent it. Forcing him to stay with her isnt going to make anyone happy at all. You dont get to badmouth this woman just because she wont get an abortion that YOU and your boyfriend want her to get. submandave His? He knows how to make a baby, and he knows how to avoid making a baby. Sorry for any confusion! Likewise, you could find a wealth of men who paid for children who werent theirs. When I was on the pill, my ex boyfriend STILL used condoms to make sure it was safe. But I just don't know anymore. But if that rape victim gave birth to the child, dropped it on the rapists doorstep and left, its highly probable that the law would pursue her for child support. Rather than holding him responsible, you have focused on the other women. It was definitely his decision too. As Ive said upthread: a man who sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. But, are you willing to pay for his mistakes. But not usually. A woman who is raped is stuck with the agonizing choice of getting an abortion, or carrying a child to term. Your ilk will perish from a lack of procreation. April 10, 2012, 5:30 pm. Men abandon and fail to pay for children constantly. Im late to this, but WHAT THE FUCK. Im also a longtime lurker who was a little taken aback by all the vitriol aimed at this mans head. Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. Like being pregnant isnt massively uncomfortable. No law can change the fact that whatever choice a man or woman in this position makes, the woman has the burden of actually carrying out the birth or abortion. Listen, people have sexcasuallyand sometimes with people they never hope to see again. The entire letter reeked of entitlement. Go on about it all you want though. The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through. This is your CHILD. reader, TELLULAH+, writes (25 January 2008): A
Though some women seem to believe that is the case. But everyday it breaks my heart knowing I'm not going to be the top priority. Its more than I can handle on a Monday! It doesnt matter whether he wants to be with this woman or not, your boyfriend made half of this baby and has an obligation to be a father figure to it. My ex-boyfriend had apparently broken up with a girl who was a.. You had no say in the matter.. wife pays debt sex video. I might disagree to a minor degree with some of your points although, re-reading your reply, I dont really think so but thats a great summary, and also completely out of place in this thread because its so rational. It would have been way happier if its bottles didnt explode. End. 60+ years on this ball-o-dirt and witnessing the madness going on around this place, as well as being an honest-to-God Christian. That support is not hers. Other times, breakups are not so obvious, and that can leave you questioning your decision. April 9, 2012, 12:13 pm. Unless youve been there, you dont know. According to pro-choice rhetoric, this man has NOTHING to do with the existence of the child. Because women are always unfairly saddled with the burden of child birth, we will always be the ones who make the choices about whats going on in our own bodies. Whether this guy decides to be a part of this childs life or not is up to his conscience. April 10, 2012, 7:38 pm. But biology puts the woman in the drivers seat once conception results. I knew, but loved him so much, forgave him & said wed give each other some space, but when I gave that space, he just went on ahead & made this lady pregnant.
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